Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
