This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
