i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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