I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
