I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
