you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
