We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
