I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
should my penis look like a turkey
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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