he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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