I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
