dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
