Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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