It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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