Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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