Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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