Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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