you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
