OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Quick, to the slutcave!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
