Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
