Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We left an ass print on the piano.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
