I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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