hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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