walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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