Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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