Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.