k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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