Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
