it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.