She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
