i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
