Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
