thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
