he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
