i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
