Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
