Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
