Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
