Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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