she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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