Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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