My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
