sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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