Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
