And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
