I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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