Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
