Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
