Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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