South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
