Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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