in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
did i just pee glitter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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