dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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