Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
