Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
