We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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