i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
