I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
