It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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