omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
