where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
