I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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