as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
