While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
