She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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