oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..