normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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