True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.