I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?