So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.