So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
