No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.