It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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