I hate all girls vehemently.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
