You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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