Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
