I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
