i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
3pm strippers are depressing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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