oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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