I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
